Sacrificial Love
by xxSaphireBluexx
Summary: "I deserved to be alone and suffer for the mistakes that my life brought to the world. I deserved to be in complete solitude. I didn't care if it made me go crazy. As long as it kept those I cared about safe, that would be enough. I would say goodbye to Juvia, and then my friends because after that, I would always keep myself alone." Rated T for a reason.
1. Chapter 1: Her Silent Heart

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.**

**Hello my lovelies! I have just released a new story! Here it is. I have very little to say here! This is my other shot at an angsty fic so I hope you all like it.**

**WARNING: This chapter may be a little graphic. And Juvia fans, I don't hate her I just...did what I did for plot purposes. I'm sorry if I offend anyone. **

**A huge special thanks to my beta, _leoslady4ever_ for her help! It always means so much to me and I appreciate it. Her collab with _Deathsembrace137,_ known as Stay With Me inspired this story. GO READ IT!**

**Anddddd that's all! Thanks for reading, reviewing, following and favoriting! I love you to the moon and back!  
****xoxox xxSaphireBluexx****  
**

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**Chapter 1: Her Silent Heart**

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_I'm so tired of being here..._

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**Gray P.O.V.**

"Juvia!" I screamed her name out, upon hearing her shriek out in pain. Turning back, I saw her collapsed to the ground. Running after the enemy, I felt the rage completely consume me. Anger made my ice cold blood boil. I was going to make the little fucker pay.

I felt the anger build a rush within me, causing me to run faster after the lightning user. Once I caught up to him, I was ready to kill. Taking in my surroundings, I realized he had taken me deep into a secluded area in this cave.

He turned around to face me. Did he really think I would go easy on him? After what he did to Juvia…

"Mad about your little girlfriend?" the lightning mage in front of me taunted. All I did was grunt in response. I was in no mood for stupid, petty conversations.

I channelled my magic to my forearms, creating two iced blades. I leaped into the air towards my opponent, calling out my attack, "Ice Blade: Seven Slice Dance." My left blade came down across his torso, followed by a right-handed slash at his legs. I gave him no chance to counter as I went after his right arm, then drew my blade across his neck. Nearing the end, I lashed out, taking his left arm out of commission. Finishing off the attack, I sliced both blades in an arc over his chest, allowing the blood to leak out of his body.

I stared at the sight. His blood was oozing out of his body. It took me a few seconds to register that my attack was fatal, and chances were high that the bastard was going to die. I didn't care. I left him there, to rot away in this cave, hoping he would be lost and forgotten.

I had to get back to Juvia. Thoughts began to race through my head. This was the first S-Class job I had taken. It was a success. I mean, I destroyed the dark guild, and could bring them to the council _dead _or alive as the job posting stated.

Then, I saw her. I stared down at the gorgeous blunette in front of me, "Juvia," I called out to her weakened state hoping for her to wake up.

"Gray-sama," she managed to cough out. Thank god she was alive. The only thing that could really hurt the water mage was lightning. With everything else, she could easily change her body to its water form so that attacks would simply go straight through.

Lightning was different. It could electrocute her and completely burn her body to a crisp. Just like that ass hole—

"Gray-sama," she said once again, breaking me free from my trance.

"Juvia, let's get back to the guild! Wendy can heal you," I urged her, hoping she would comply.

"No, Gray-sama. Juvia doesn't have much time," she told me, her eyes welling with tears.

"Of course you do!" I yelled, hoping my words were truth. There was no way Juvia could actually be…

"Gray-sama, Juvia took on the attack at full force. He wanted to attack you from behind and Juvia couldn't let that happen," at this moment, the tears were leaking out of her eyes. "Juvia stepped in front of the attack."

"Juvia…" My voice managed to say. I could feel my eyes heat up as the liquid began to fill them. Looking down at her body, I saw the wound that went straight through her chest. Instead of her body leaking out blood, the area was burnt, so you could see the hole in her torso. I turned my head away from the sight to look her in the eyes.

"Juvia wants you to say goodbye to the guild for me. T-tell them that Juvia is sorry. If Juvia had paid attention to the battle from the start, then this wouldn't have happened. Tell them that Juvia loves them and that Juvia thanks them for accepting Juvia after what Juvia did with Phantom Lord. Juvia…thanks them for giving Juvia a home and showing Juvia…what…it means to be loved…" She was now struggling to speak.

"Shh, Juvia," I couldn't bear to see the sight. "Don't worry. We'll head back to the guild, and Wendy can heal you and then you'll be back to your normal self." I told both her and myself. I couldn't accept the fact that Juvia's life force was fading. I could feel the energy from her slowly disappearing but, I found it difficult to grasp the fact that Juvia was…

"No! Gray-sama. Don't take Juvia back… Juvia wants to be… in your arms for… the last few seconds… of Juvia's life…" she struggled to say. I stared down at her beautiful features. Her long, wavy blue hair. Her stunningly bright eyes. Her full, yet innocent lips. Her milky smooth skin.

Something in me accepted it. I wasn't sure if it was the fact that I could feel hardly anything coming off of her or the fact that her face was pale as a ghost or if it was the fact that her body stopped producing any body heat. I pulled her into my arms, holding her into an embrace, trying my best not to cry. She had always wanted my love, and now that she was going I felt like it was my duty to allow her to leave happy.

I slowly pulled away so that we were facing each other. As my hands ran through her hair, my face began to inch towards hers. As our lips locked, we shared a chaste kiss and I could feel the tears continuously falling down her face. She was too damn young for this, yet…yet she was going. Juvia was going to be gone and it was all my fault. Why did people always have to sacrifice themselves for me? Ur, Ultear, now Juvia.

Once we parted, I saw her lips curve upwards, as her weak arms managed to wrap around me. I held her in my arms, hoping I could take her pain away. "Juvia…doesn't…regret…it…Juvia…loves you…Gray-sa…" her sentence was left half finished. Instantly after, I felt her arms fall down to her sides as her head fell down onto my shoulders.

"JUVIA‼" I screamed out into the cave, my voice echoing her name, as I grasped the reality in front of me. How could I live with myself, knowing that people would die for me? Time after time, people would suffer because of my mistakes.

Ur. Had I not been so keen on getting vengeance on Deliora, she would have been here. Alive. Breathing. She would have been a part of the ten wizard saints.

If Ur was alive, Ultear would have never gone rogue. Ultear would never have had to live with the guilt of all the mistakes she made in her life. If Ur hadn't sacrificed herself for my stupidity, Ultear would never have felt like she had to _redeem_ herself. Ultear would have been alive if it weren't for me.

Now Juvia. I knew she would do anything for me. I knew for a fact that Juvia would put me over her own damn well being, and now, here she is, dead. It was my fault. I don't know how I'm expected to live with myself knowing that I was the reason Juvia died. I should have never let her come on this job with me. I knew I was able to handle it on myself, yet I thought it was ok to allow her to come and jeopardize her life.

I wasn't sure how I could go back to Fairy Tail with Juvia like this. They would all hate me for letting this happen to our family.

I felt the liquid fall down my cheeks, down onto Juvia's lifeless body. I let them stream down as I let the guilt consume me. How I hated everything about myself. My throat began to dry up and I could feel my already cold skin, cool down even more.

"I'm sorry Juvia," I told her as I closed her eyes. "If only I had been there, to protect you. If only I had been strong enough to take care of you. Maybe if I had left you back at home, you would have been ok. Juvia, I'm sorry," I felt the tears continuously fall from my eyes.

**Lucy P.O.V.**

I love Fairy Tail. The fact that it was at a constant ruckus and always partying made me feel right at home. Sitting on my bar stool, I took in the sight. Natsu and Gajeel were brawling. Erza was happily munching on her strawberry cake. Jet and Droy were fighting each other over who was a better match for Levy, who was caught up in a book. Elfman was yelling things about being a man causing Evergreen to groan out in frustration. Freed was praising Laxus. Gildarts was acting overly clingy with Cana.

Then there were the Strauss sisters.

"Lucy, why don't you hurry and make a move on Natsu?" Mirajane began, with a smile evident on her face.

"That's because my sights are set elsewhere," I told her as my thoughts became possessed by the thought of someone.

"That's right, Mira! Lucy is currently thinking about Gray," Lisanna laughed, as she teased me. I regretted telling her about my crush on the ice mage. She seemed to have a knack for blurting it out.

"Oh that would be perfect! You two would have the most beautiful babies! Raven hair and hazel eyes. Or even blond hair and deep, blue eyes! How cute," Mira gushed over the thought. All thanks to the lovely Lisanna…_great_. Now, as soon as Gray came back from his job, she would plot on how to make us become that perfect couple with those perfect children.

Although a part of me was beginning to give up on the thought of Gray and I. I mean, him and Juvia would seem like the ideal couple. Water and ice. And it was beyond obvious that she was madly in love with him, not to mention that he never really denied liking her so really, my luck was out.

As if on cue, the guild doors opened and in came Gray, carrying Juvia in his arms. As if it were instinctive, I jumped out of my seat at the sight of Gray, only to have my heart fall at the sight. He was carrying Juvia like one would their wife.

"Hey! The stripper's back!" Natsu called out to Fairy Tail's newest S-Class mage. That was the second S-Class mage in Team Natsu and one of the five S-Classes of Fairy Tail.

I looked at Gray, surprised by his silence. I was completely shocked by the fact that he hadn't sent a remark back at Natsu. Staring at him, I realized something was off. He didn't have his normal, half-smile planted on his face and he released a cold aura.

It told everyone to stay away. I analyzed his features and realized that he had been crying. His eyes were puffy red, and his face told tales of sadness.

My eyes then made their way to Juvia. She was in Gray's arms, not snuggling closer to him. Her arms and legs dangled down. Her face was completely discolored and her face looked emotionless.

"Where's master…" Gray asked quietly. The guild silenced, taking in the dark depressing aura that Gray was giving off.

"He's up in his office," Erza answered, advancing towards the ice mage. "What's the matter?" she asked him in concern.

Gray ignored her as he made his way up the stairs. "What happened to Juvia?" Wendy asked, staring at the unconscious body of the blunette. I felt my throat dry up, trying my best to avoid the pessimistic thoughts that were possessing my mind.

"Juvia…" Gray coughed out. His eyes began to swell with tears that shortly after streamed down his cheeks. Surely that couldn't have meant...

"Answer her!" I heard Lisanna scream out. My eyes turned back, to see the younger Strauss sister with tears racing down her face.

"Please," Lisanna pleaded. "Tell us she's ok," Lisanna continued to beg the ice mage.

"Juvia…" Gajeel said almost as if he realized something. "I can't smell anything off her," he told the guild.

Natsu took a sniff of the air before agreeing with Gajeel. "He's right. Juvia normally smells like a beach but now…her scent is gone." His toothy grin disappeared and his lips curved downwards to frown.

"You can't mean…" Wendy gasped out.

"Master!" Gray yelled out, the tears still falling.

Mira rushed up towards the Master's office to tell him what it seemed the whole guild had realized. Seconds later, both Mira and the guild master were out, tears filling their eyes.

I felt a pang of guilt reach me at the thoughts I was having only minutes ago. Juvia was my friend, yet for that short second, I let my jealousy take over.

My heart pained me as I heard Gray yell the words: "Juvia's dead!"

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_...Suppressed by all my childish fears..._

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**Taking another shot at an angst fic. I hope you all like. You can also see, Lisanna and Lucy are quite close here so Lisanna won't be a big bad bitch, lol!**

**So if you like it then I'll see you in a few weeks for the next chapter!**


	2. Chapter 2: His Conclusions

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fairy Tail. K thanks.**

**I told myself I wouldn't post this until I finished one of my stories...but I couldn't resist. I just had to. Though, I promise that after this chapter, I won't update this story until I finish my story Strictly Business.**

**Munchkins lets have a little talk since this chapter literally flowed out. I want to give huge special thanks to _Tranquil Manatee_! I won't lie, the necklace story existed thanks to you! You are awesomeness!  
**

**Oh and also, a special thanks to my lovely beta _leoslady4ever_! She's the best beta ever. Ask anyone, they'll agree. And to add to that, she's flipping awesome. Want proof? Go read Dancing Away With His Heart! It made me like LaLu!**

******The little quote thingy at the beginning and end of every chapter are part of my inspiration for this story. It's the lyrics to the song My Immortal by Evanescence! Listen to it while reading this story! I swear, it sets the mood so much more. **

**So guess what my lovelies? I want to thank you all for reading, reviewing, following, and favoriting. And you know what else my lovelies? I love you to the moon and back! Mwah~~  
xoxox xxSaphireBluexx**

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**Chapter 2: His Conclusions**

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_…And if you have to leave…_

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**Gray's P.O.V.**

_"Mama, what's this?" I asked my mother, looking at the sword shaped chain that she held in her hands. It was beautiful. The silver from the necklace shined in the light that was coating the city today._

_"It's a Fullbuster family heirloom," my mother said as she tucked her hair behind her ears. "It is said that your grandfather had defeated a large monster, known as the Lullaby, that tried to bring destruction to Clover Town, but he sealed all the evil into the iced statue over there." Mother pointed towards the large statue of what appeared to be a large monster. It had two horns coming out of its head and a long tail. Despite the fact that it had the body of a gorilla, it had the face of a human._

_"So, before he passed away, he gave this to your father. It is rumored that when you wear this necklace around your neck, you are protected from the various evils that lurk within this world. This necklace is a gift from the Gods above to keep you protected. Gray, in the future, you will be the Master of the Fullbuster clan, so it is vital you remain safe," Mother told me, her bright blue eyes piercing into my deep blue ones._

_"Mama, where is Papa?" My child like curiosity filled me. He had been gone for weeks, and no one had said a word about exactly where he had gone. I missed Papa so much. He used to tell me the best stories about magic and how ice magic was made. I couldn't wait to learn magic and become just as strong as Papa. If not, even stronger!_

_"Gray, Papa and the rest of the Fullbuster clan are taking care of Deliora before it comes here," Mother shivered as she wrapped her arms around me. Once she pulled away, she put the necklace over my neck._

_She then kissed my forehead before saying, "Gray. Keep this one at all times, and only give it to the person you care about the most. This will keep them guarded for the rest of their life," Mama lectured me and I nodded. I knew how important this was to Papa. You would never see him take it off so the fact that he gave it to me meant that I was very important to him._

_"I will always, Mama," I promised her. Almost like it was on cue, the ground began to quake and the statue started to crack. What was going on? I turned around and my eyes met up with it. It let out a screeching sound that rang in my ears, making me feel like my ear drums were shattered. It's long furry hair flew back with its scream. Its shoulder had spikes coming out of it._

_But the worst thing was its eyes. Its dark, dreadful eyes. The eyes that told you the moment you looked into it, you were doomed to die. The eyes that told you to say good bye to your life and hello to the afterlife. I felt my hands unconsciously squeeze the necklace Mother had just given me. My legs failed. I couldn't move, held captive by the fear the monster had brought into my heart._

_"Deliora…" Mother whispered, her eyes widening in fear._

_"Gray run!" Mother screamed out. But I couldn't listen. I couldn't do what she said. My legs wouldn't comply with the demand Mother had given me._

_The monster let out another scream, causing the walls of our house to crack. Its hand slashed over our house, causing pieces of it to crash down to the ground. The roof caved in and the bricks fell down fast, several of them hitting Mother's head. Its hand then smashed down on our house, causing wood to fall down._

_Smoke and dust rose up around us, filling my lungs with the noxious combination, until I bent over, my chest heaving as I let out cough after cough. Once it cleared, my eyes met up with Mother. The house had completely caved on onto her legs, impairing her from movement._

_It was that sight, that made my legs work again. I ran towards my mom, doing everything in my power to remove everything that had been placed overtop her legs._

_"Gray," she whimpered, "Go," she pleaded._

_"Run away," she begged me as tears began to cascade down her milky smooth skin._

_"No Mama, I can protect you. I am a Fullbuster," I told her, taking pride in my last name and my family. I frantically removed the bricks and pieces of wood that smashed down onto her legs. They were all painted red but my six year old brain refused to accept what my eyes saw. I refused to. I kept trying._

_Mother's eyes widened in fear as she looked at something behind me. I turned back to find a monstrous sight. Deliora. "Ice Make: Blast," I heard Mother's voice barely say. Instantly after I felt a forceful push at my back, causing me to fly away but before my body had flown far from Clover Town, my eyes met with the sight. The sight I wish I had never seen._

_ Deliora grabbed Mother in its hands, crushing her worn body until her blood flowed out between the beast's fingers. Raising its hand, the frightening creature covered its painted flesh with its mouth, sucking away my Mother's crimson blood._

_"MAMA!"_

My body jolted up. I was panting. Sweat coated my body like the cool air that filled my house. Why, of all days did I have to dream of this? I couldn't understand how anyone expected me to live with the guilt of what had happened to Mother. She used her last ounce of magic to protect me, just like everyone else.

Mother had let go of her life to know I lived on. I smashed my hand to the wall and a sound came out deep from my throat, followed by a, "Damn it."

My face felt like there was something dripping from it. When I looked in the mirror, I realized that tears had been flowing out of my eyes like there was no tomorrow. To think, that people would die time and time again just to keep me safe.

I held my chain in my hands as it seemed to shine in the darkness that was my house. I knew that the moment I stepped into the guild, the nightmare would be pushed far back into my mind and their cheerful behavior would bring light into my dark past. I knew that after seeing Lucy's warm smile I would calm down. Though Lucy seems to shy away the moment Juvia…

**_Juvia._**

That's right. Juvia was gone. She had died protecting me. The kind hearted, completely devoted water mage gave up her life in attempts to keep me safe. She was nothing more than a memory. Another page in my book. Another reminder of why I shouldn't have existed.

Juvia's life was just like the life of all those who became close to me. All of those women, who found that my life was of greater value than their own. Any time I found myself getting close to someone, or found that I had some sort of connection to them, something bad would happen. It's why I have to be alone.

If I let anyone in, they'd end up just the same.

Dead.

That's why I must distance myself from everyone.

"Fuck," my voice let out the word.

I felt my world crumble the moment Juvia's face came back into my head. I felt my entire universe shatter at the reality of the situation. It was all my fault she had died and now I had to live with the guilt that remained. I had to live with the vivid truth that would always follow me. I had to live with the fact that remained.

**Juvia.**

**Died.**

**Because.**

**Of.**

**Me.**

That was the reality, the piercing reality that burned deep within my soul, stacking my sins ever higher. I couldn't escape these demons, the ones that destroyed any happiness I found in life. It was the bitter truth I had to live with, day in and day out. I'd have to face it every time I entered the guild, knowing I was the cause of their grief, their aching loss.

Without a second thought, I threw on a black suit, readying myself to make way towards Kardia Cathedral, where we would bury Juvia's deceased body. But after that, I refused to live there and spend another waking moment around anyone. I cared about them too much to allow my curse to hurt them. I refused to let anyone go. Not Erza. Natsu. Happy. Laxus. Cana. Wendy. Gajeel.

But most importantly, I refused to let anything ever happen to **_Lucy_.** I wouldn't be able to live with myself if as much as a hair on her head was touched because of me.

As much as I hated the thought of staying away from Lucy and leaving her alone, I refused to let our relationship become any more intimate. If it did, then she might become a product of the curse that seems to enjoy revisiting me in my life.

Every single time I found that I was beginning to forgive myself for the deaths my existence caused, it would only come back to haunt me again. As much as Ur wanted to _seal away my darkness_, I don't think she was able to because my darkness seemed to recapture the most important moments of my healing. It seemed that the universe hated me for trying to move on from the painful moments of my life.

I deserved to be alone and suffer for the mistakes that my life brought to the world. I deserved to be in complete solitude. I didn't care if it made me go crazy. As long as it kept those I cared about safe, that would be enough. I would say goodbye to Juvia, and then my friends because after that, I would always keep myself alone.

If it meant keeping Lucy safe. If it meant she wouldn't fall victim to the curse that followed me, then I would let my heart deal with the aching grief that seemed to seize me the moment I was away from her.

The only reason my heart would comply with the conclusion that my mind had drawn was because it meant Lucy would be ok. It meant that she would be able to live her daily life without being attacked by the demons that seemed to haunt me. To me, nothing was more important than knowing that Lucy Heartfilia was alive and breathing because well, somewhere along the road, the Celestial mage managed to capture my heart and just because I wouldn't try to pursue her, it didn't mean I wouldn't do everything physically possible to keep her safe.

I'd have to accept the fact that I'd be living a life without love. But it didn't matter because well... Lucy would be fine.

Most importantly, deep in my heart, I accepted the facts. I accepted it. It burned throughout the innermost depths of my soul. It burned through me like the intensity of a thousand blazing suns.

_Just because I was alive, it didn't give me the right to __**live**_.

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_...I wish that you would just leave..._

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**This chapter made me so sad to write. WAAAAAAAAAAAA Gray! And Juvia! And Lucy! And Fairy Tail *crys* Life sucks!**


	3. Chapter 3: Her Death Wish

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fairy Tail. **

**Chapter 3 is up and ready to read. I really am glad that you all like it thus far since...well...this isn't exactly easy for me to write. Death is one of the hardest topics for me to write and it's thanks to my beta, _leoslady4ever_ that I'm even near pulling this off. Love her. You! Go show her some love...:)**

**I need Munchkin help! Munchkins unite! I couldn't even listen to music without killing my mood. It's a hard chapter to write so if you dearies can, please tell me some really good death related songs that can help set my mood. It'll be greatly appreciated.**

**And honestly, thanks. Thanks for reading, reviewing, following, and favoriting! It means so much to me and I love you all to the where and back? Lol, yupp to the moon and back!  
xoxox xxSaphireBluexx**

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**Chapter 3: Her Death Wish**

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_...'Cause your presence still lingers here..._

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**Gray's P.O.V.**

I walked out of my house and down the streets of Magnolia. Everything seemed so dark. The clouds were grey with storm clouds. Just like the first time I met the water mage. Ironic that the weather conditions would be exactly the same today as they were that day. I continued to make my way down towards the Kardia Cathedral where we would be burying her.

I absent-mindedly made my way towards my destination. I didn't really think about much, except for the fact that this would be the last time I would ever be in any sort of contact with Lucy. I would distance myself as far away as I could, so that she wouldn't have to suffer. I didn't want to see her suffer the same fate as Juvia. Ultear. Ur. Mama. I didn't want Lucy to end up like them.

The large white building loomed in front of me. It really was quite a sight. It was built beautifully. What with the large pillars that were located at the corners and the doors. The grand doors. They were much more exuberant than the Fairy Tail doors. My right hand pushed it open, and I took slow steps in towards the back of the cathedral, heading outside to where Juvia would be...

I shook my head, hating to have to say it.

Once I was outside, everyone in the guild turned their heads back, staring at me as I made my way to the front of the cathedral. I didn't make eye contact with anyone. Rather, I avoided it. I couldn't look them in the eyes knowing that I allowed a family member to die under my watch. It was simply unforgivable.

Then, once I reached the front of the cathedral, my eyes met up with a closed coffin. I could feel my heart clench at the sight in front of me. Juvia's deceased body was right in there. It was that moment, where memories of Juvia continuously flashed into my head. Juvia was such an important member to Fairy Tail and our family.

I could remember the time where she voluntarily became my 'chair' as I unconsciously took a seat on her behind. The girl did anything for me, whether I wanted her to or not.

There was also a moment, during the Grand Magic Games, where Juvia and I admitted we wouldn't go easy on each other. At the time I didn't know that Master had promised the winning team would be able to make the losers do whatever they wanted. Juvia's mind must have gone berserk, imagining the things she would have made me do.

I couldn't help but regret the fact that I had not been upfront with her from the start. I strung the water mage along, not letting her live a fulfilling love life. Instead, I was so keen on not hurting her feelings and because of my naivety, Juvia was…gone.

Master made his way forward, his face completely pale and his eyes leaking out the tears that uncontrollably spilled out of his eyes. He took a deep breath in before speaking.

"The greatest pain for a parent, burying their child, is one I wouldn't wish on my worst enemies. Unfortunately, sometimes fate has its own plans. Juvia Lockser. She was like a daughter to me and a sister to you. Her quirky personality was a light that shined in our guild, brightening up our days. Her smile was one that we could feed off of. Juvia brought a feeling to our hearts; she brought a feeling that was uncontrollable. She filled our hearts with love for her. I can say, for a fact that Juvia will be irreplaceable in our hearts but I also know that she wouldn't want to see us live our lives in sadness."

There was not a single dry eye in the entire cathedral. Everyone was crying at the words Master had said. Everyone ached at the reality that decided to come to our guild.

I took a few steps up, realizing that I had to share Juvia's last words. I walked up, until I was in front of everyone. I opened up my mouth to speak:

"Juvia wanted me to say goodbye…"

_…Juvia wants you to say goodbye to the guild for me…_

My heart was now pounding and my eyes began to swell up but I refused to cry. I refused to allow my pain out for the guild to see. They were already experiencing great amounts, and it wasn't fair that I seek out their pity. I looked around, my eyes meeting with different guild members.

"…She wanted me to say sorry…"

_…T-tell them that Juvia is sorry…_

First **_Erza_**. Her scarlet hair ran down her back, her eyes closed tightly. You could almost make out the salty liquid that was filling up her eyes, but she kept her eyes shut almost as if she was trying to stop anyone from seeing the pain she was in.

"…She loves you…"

_…Tell them that Juvia loves them…_

Then **_Natsu_**. For the first time, one could not make out the toothy grin that seemed to always remain plastered on his face. No. For the first time in my life, I saw pain in the Fire Dragon Slayer's eyes. I saw depths of emotions fill him up. His eyes were glassy, but he had not yet shed a tear.

"…She thanks you for accepting her after the Phantom Lord Incident…"

_…Juvia thanks them for accepting Juvia after what Juvia did with Phantom Lord…_

**_Gajeel_**. The Iron Dragon Slayer knew her the longest. His untamed hair covered his face and his head faced the ground. He wasn't leaking the ego he normally did. Today, Gajeel looked humble. No. Rather, Gajeel looked hurt. It looked like, for the first time, something hit him straight through the heart. Then, his hands went up to his face, covering his eyes.

"…Thanks for giving her a home…"

_…Juvia…thanks them for giving Juvia a home…_

**_Lisanna_**. The youngest Strauss sibling had become quite acquainted with the water mage, especially after working with her during the S-class trials before we all disappeared. Lisanna's bright blue eyes were barely visible, as she rapidly opened and closed her eyes. With every blink she made, more tears would stream down her pale skin. Lisanna let out all the pain that filled her as she desperately held onto Natsu, as if he were her lifeline. To think, it was my fault she was like this.

"…And for showing her what it meant to be loved…"

_…showing Juvia…what…it means to be loved…_

**_Lucy_**. Lucy looked up at the sky, then down to the ground. Her hand clenched her black blazer. She took a deep breath in, then exhaled it. Her eyes remained glued onto the floor. She blinked her eyes. Her soulful hazel eyes were now dark. They always managed to say exactly what she was feeling and this time, her eyes told me she was upset. After blinking her eyes again, they came out. The tears flowed freely from her eyes, down to where her gaze was planted.

Seeing Lucy feel so much pain, made me feel that deep, in the pit of my stomach it was all my fault. I knew that the entire guild was suffering because of me. People suffer because of me. They die for me.

My eyes met with someone who wasn't in the guild, but still cared about the water mage greatly. My eyes found him, and I just knew he would give it to me. The rain continued to pour down, and would blend with the tears that he was surely shedding over the loss of the water mage. There was no way **_Lyon_** would ever forgive me for letting anything happen to her. He loved her more than anything.

The guilt overwhelmed every bit of my body. How could I just let this go?

**Lyon's P.O.V.**

To think, someone with her strength was gone. Someone who was nearly indestructible. To really think, that the gorgeous water mage was no longer in this world. Her flowing blue hair that splashed over her shoulders. She had those beautiful, bright blue eyes that reeked life. They were soulful. They had a world of meaning and emotions imbedded into them.

She was gone. Juvia was gone before I could win her over. She was gone before I was able to express my love for her.

"Juvia wanted me to say goodbye…"

And for some reason, it felt like she was near, watching over us. It didn't feel like she was saying goodbye, rather, see you later. My heart clenched, then shattered. It broke into a million different pieces that would be impossible to pick up. The memory was still hot in my head.

_Ooba was spinning Yuka at the moment since he took too long to return from a mission. She really was tough on us sometimes but she meant well. Then, a lacrima appeared at our doorway. Ooba went towards it, wondering exactly what it was. _

_Ooba grasped it, tapping it gently. Instantly, an image of Fairy Tail's guild master appeared. But he didn't look as he normally would. One could see the distress that was painted upon his face. It was impossible to miss the bloodshot eyes he had. Only a fool wouldn't realize that it was bad news. _

"…She wanted me to say sorry…"

_ "Ooba…" he began, trying to keep his voice strong._

_"There's something I must tell you," and at that moment, I was nervous. I had a feeling that something really **bad** was coming. I wasn't sure what it was at the moment, but I thought it was bad._

"…She loves you…"

_"Rather, Lyon. I need to speak to you," his voice became shaky. **Me?** What exactly did Fairy Tail's guild master want with me? I couldn't understand what it was that **I** did to put him under such a condition. That was the reason he wanted to speak to me…right?_

"She thanks you for accepting her after the Phantom Lord Incident…"

_"It's about Juvia," I gulped. My nerves consumed every inch of the strong exterior I displayed. The fear I was feeling had completely overtaken any bit of confidence I had left. What had happened to **Juvia** to cause such terrible strain in the old man? Is…is she ok?_

"…Thanks for giving her a home…"

_ "Juvia has…" I could feel my heart beating erratically. I blinked my eyes frantically, at first. I was hoping this was just a hallucination. My mind was assuming the worst and my heart. My heart just wasn't functioning properly. _

_"Juvia has been killed," the guild master said, tears falling down his eyes. My knees instantly weakened. I couldn't stand up. I simply looked up at the lacrima, waiting for him to tell me he was joking. But he did no such thing. Instead, he continued to speak. _

"…And for showing her what it meant to be loved…"

_ "Her funeral will be held tomorrow afternoon, and we would really like it if you came…" he said. My mind went blank. All I saw was his mouth moving and words coming out. The words went in one ear and out the other. I couldn't process a single thing he was saying. _

_Jura came beside me, placed a hand on my shoulders. He looked down at me and probably noticed the pathetic state I was in, not being able to respond to the guild master. _

_"He will come," Jura answered for me. The lacrima turned off. I tried to stand up, but instantly failed. When I almost dropped to the ground, Jura and Sherry quickly helped me up to stand. _

_I looked around the guild, hoping that they were in on this cruel joke. I heard not a single snicker and instead, received looks of pity. I had made my feelings for Juvia apparent, so it was definitely certain that they could see how I was seeing, but there was no way they **understood** it.  
_

My throat felt completely dry. I needed something to drink. My stomach was turning and I could feel the little I ate threatening to come up. I turned around when Gray finished talking, as Juvia's coffin went down into the ground. I couldn't bear to watch it. I couldn't bear to accept the fact that Juvia was off this planet for good. I turned back to face the tombstone as the tears continued to fall.

_I **hate** the world._

**Gray's P.O.V.**

I walked down towards the rest of the guild members, unconsciously making my way beside the person I cared about most. The coffin began to drop down into the ground. Juvia's body began to go down and join with the earth.

This was all _my_ fault. Juvia's death was _all_ **_my_** fault.

_I **hate **the world. _

I felt a hand touch my shoulder from behind. I looked back, confused with what I felt. Then...there she was with that wavy blue hair. Bright blue eyes. Milky, flawless skin.

Then I heard her voice speak. "Keep on living, Gray-sama."

"Juvia…" I said, not realizing that I let out the sound. Then, the figure waved her hands good bye and flew up to the sky, towards the heavens above. With that motion, I had completely accepted the fact that Juvia was dead.

Beside me, I noticed blonde hair. Lucy. She was holding tightly onto my right arm, burying her face into my arm. This would be the last time I ever be this close with her. Never again would Lucy and I be like this and since she **_had_** to be safe, no matter what. And since this was the final time, I decided to give her a small symbol of my feelings. This would be the last time I would ever be this close to her.

I turned her head into my chest, and held her into an embrace as she released the tears onto my chest. I kept my arms around her and felt the liquid overwhelming my eyes and impairing my vision. My head dropped to her own and I let the tears fall down. Had her hair already not been showered by the rain, it would have been soaked with my tears. This was the final time Lucy and I would ever exchange any representation of the unspoken love we felt for one another.

_After this, I'd have to let her go._

* * *

_...And it won't leave me alone..._

* * *

**So yeah, Gray and Lucy love each other. It's just that Gray is living with his own personal demons so really...that's what this story will revolve around. Hope you all like it.**

**I also want you to understand that this is going to get more upsetting before it gets any better. I'm sorry about that. **


	4. Chapter 4: His Fury

**Disclaimer I do not own Fairy Tail.**

**I will confess, I somewhat insecure with writing this chapter, but thanks to my beta, _leoslady4ever, _I felt so much better!**

**Sorry for any tears I have caused you all to shed. I truly do love you all to the moon and back! Thanks for reading, reviewing, following, and favoriting!  
xoxox xxSaphireBluexx**

* * *

**Chapter 4: His Fury**

* * *

_...These wounds won't seem to heal..._

* * *

**Lucy's P.O.V.**

For the first time, since I've entered the guild, I noticed that it wasn't all loud and rowdy. There were no brawls or talks of who belongs with who. Everyone was sober, and mourning. Lyon of Lamia Scale decided to stay here for a while, admitting he wasn't in any condition to return to his guild. The only person who was able to as much as move from her seat was Mirajane.

She was making everyone food, trying to keep the guild members from starving. I decided to help her out, seeing as I had the strength to. I got up from my normal seat and went towards the kitchen where Mira was. I absolutely hated seeing the guild like this so this was the least I could do for them.

"Lucy," Mira acknowledged me with a soft half-smile that quickly turned into a frown.

"D-do you n-need help?" I managed to stammer out when I saw the frown appear on her face.

"Sure," she replied simply, pointing to the soup she was making.

"What should I do?" My quiet voice asked.

"Stir it gently until it simmers, then add the vegetables and the half cooked chicken over there," Mira replied, pointing out where the ingredients were. "Then leave it for about 15 minutes and serve it to the guild."

"Sure," I replied quietly.

It really was a harsh reality that faced our guild, and had Gray not already found vengeance, we all would have been doing everything in our power to. Since we couldn't do that, we would mourn and let our hearts find a way to deal with the pain they felt.

Mira sighed deeply as she placed a batter into the oven, "What worries me is that no one has seen Gajeel or Gray since the funeral."

It hit me and it hit me hard. I had no idea that Gajeel would be like this. Normally he is off in some corner chomping down on some iron. No one really expected him to have a soft spot for anyone, not even Juvia. But I suppose that the water mage was like a sister to the Iron Dragon Slayer and this was one of the only things that truly hurt him.

"It concerns me," Mira added, breaking me free from my trance. I looked down at the soup and noticed that it began to slightly bubble up, so I decided to add in the vegetables and chicken Mira had pointed out earlier.

"I can imagine. I mean, I understand their pain, but at the same time, isolating themselves isn't going to help. If anything, it'll make it harder for them," I voiced my opinion on the situation, starting to worry more and more for Gray.

I hope he wouldn't drown imself in alcohol or starve himself. I really didn't want to see Gray under such a situation. I wanted to be there for him every step of the way and help him live with the fact that Juvia...was gone.

"And it's been two days since anyone has seen them," Mira let out an upset sigh. She was probably just as worried about them. She feared them turning to negative solutions to numb their pain. I knew it.

I wanted to so desperately help Gray from sinking away in his pain but I wasn't exactly sure what I was expected to do. I let out a sigh, causing Mira to turn to me.

"Lucy, maybe you should deliver the food to them. I can give you their addresses. I would hate for them to starve," Mira replied with the utmost sadness in her voice.

"A-are you sure?" I asked hesitantly. As much as I wanted to help Gray out, I feared overstaying my welcome. Never had he invited anyone over to his house so what if my coming in was like intruding?

"I can help the guild members," Mira replied with a hidden pain that lurked deep in her voice. As much as she tried to put up a strong face for the guild, it was obvious that she felt it too. It was clear to see that Mira was just as broken from Juvia's loss as everyone else. But Mira was also aware that if she allowed herself to become consumed in her depression, that the entire guild would break down. At the moment, she was their lifeline and the reason any of them were eating, bathing and even walking around.

"I can help them," Mira repeated herself in a voice that made me turn around. Once I was face to face with the oldest Strauss sibling, I noticed that Mira was shedding silent tears, not making a single sound as the tears cascaded down her cheeks.

"I can help them," Mira repeated for a third time as the tears continuously fell. Mira started taking deep breaths and her eyes were glued onto the ground. I rushed towards her, wrapping my arms around her, showing her she wasn't alone. Losing Juvia was a painful experience, almost unbearable. It was something that hurt each and every guild member to a point where their chests ached at the reality that they had to face.

After several minutes, Mira was able to compose herself and she took a step away from the hug. She looked up at me to speak.

"You should really take the food to Gajeel and Gray."

It was that moment where I realized that the food was completely cooked and ready to be served. I looked back to stare at the pot of soup and then turned back to Mira, who was wiping the tears out of her eyes. She took out two bowls and filled them up for me to give to the boys.

I took the two bowls, and placed a cover atop of them to ensure that the food wouldn't be wasted. I was about to walk out of the kitchen until I heard another sound, causing me to turn back.

"Thank you," Mira's voice was filled with the utmost gratitude. I wasn't sure what exactly I did but apparently it was enough to have Mira thank me. I gave her a genuine smile before turning to walk out of the kitchen.

Mira needed someone to help her with her sorrows so she could put on a strong face for the guild. If that was what she needed, then I would give her it. It was the least I could do.

**Gray's P.O.V.**

I hate the world. I hate everything that fills it. I hate the sound of the rain continuously splashing onto my windows. I hated the sound of someone fanatically knocking the door to my front entrance. I hate that I got up from my couch to answer it.

"You..." My eyes met up with the Iron Dragon Slayer, his red eyes burning with a raging fury.

"What?" I replied nonchalantly. I barely left my bed since the funeral. I looked like a damn mess. My face needed washing and my hair needed combing. My house was starting to lose its minty smell and began to reek.

So what blessing was it that I actually had someone give the slightest shit to come check up on me? I obviously didn't deserve it so why would he even come?

But what answered my thoughts wasn't a word Gajeel said. No, it was his actions. It was an iron pillar being sent straight to my torso, that sent me towards the wall with quite an impact. I could have sworn it left a mark on my wall.

"You fucking fool!" Gajeel yelled as his iron fist was sent swinging across my face.

Instead of being filled with fear like a normal person, I just stood still, accepting the blows that were being sent my way. I deserved it after all.

But I didn't remain quiet. I decided to taunt him by saying, "I guess you're mad."

Looks like it worked too because silver scales began to coat his body and after seeing this form before, I would be a naive idiot to think that the next blow wouldn't hurt. Gajeel's rage had fuelled him into dragon force and whatever he had planned would most likely leave a mark.

"You were supposed to take care of her," his voice softened for a second as his eyes began to well up with tears. The softness only lasted for a second because this time, he roared out the words, "You were supposed to fucking take care of her!"

With that, his right hand took the form of a blade while his left hand began to suffocate me. He kept me pinned up to the wall and I could have sworn my vision was beginning to blur. The sword began to near my heart at an impeccable speed, but something stopped him. The sound of a girl yelling.

"Stop it Gajeel!" the voice called out.

It was because of the person, that his left hand let go of me and he dropped me to the ground. I was panting, trying to refill my lungs with the oxygen that it lacked and upon a deep breath in, I could smell the scent of alcohol that Gajeel was releasing.

I looked up at my entry way to see a flash of blond hair. It had to be Lucy, but how? She's never been to my house and I was next to certain she didn't even know where I live.

The iron dragon slayer was now in front of Lucy. His intimidating eyes staring deep at her.

"Gajeel," she sighed, her warm eyes staring at him as her tentative hand touched his face. Although now was not the time to feel it, a part of me felt envious of the kindness she was showing him. I wanted her to so desperately look at me with the same warmth.

"Please, don't hurt Gray," she begged him as her eyes filled up with tears.

"But he let Juvia die," Gajeel responded with a harsh tone.

"He let my little sister die," Gajeel repeated the fact, the harshness in his voice disappearing as his voice cracked half way through. Was he...was he _crying_?

"He would never do that deliberately," Lucy responded as her shaky hand made its way from his cheek to the back of his head.

"J-Juvia was family," she added with a pained voice and from where I was, I could see the tears cascade down her cheeks.

He turned back to stare at me in my pathetic position, still on the ground, gaping for fresh air. To think that _Fairy Tail's Newest S-Class_ would be found at such a pathetic state. Not that it mattered. What mattered was why Lucy was here.

"I know," Gajeel replied in an unstable voice.

"But," he paused, taking a deep breath in, trying to compose himself. He then opened his mouth and spoke, "Juvia died under his care."

"I know…"

She knew. She understood it was my fault.

"..But..."

But what? I let our family die. I let one of the only people Gajeel had ever opened up to die. I let everyone suffer this great loss.

"…Gray didn't mean for it to happen. He would never let our family lose a member on purpose."

Why did I have to be the reason for Lucy's tears? As much as I wanted to help wipe her tears away and bring a smile on her face, I couldn't. I needed to stay away from her to keep her safe. I loved Lucy far too much to let her become just like what Juvia became.

"Gajeel, please calm down," She continued to stare at the enraged Iron Dragon Slayer, whose panting began to return to normal.

"Have you been eating?" She asked him, trying to maintain a warm smile. How exactly was it, that Lucy was able to soothe him? I couldn't fathom what she did, or how she did it, but it worked.

"No," he mumbled as his eyes looked down on the floor.

"Here, take this," Lucy responded with gentleness in her voice as her hand reached towards one of the bowls.

"It's soup," Lucy added.

Gajeel's eyes shifted from Lucy's face to the bowl in her hand. He then looked back at me with a glare as harsh as could be and it was that moment, the moment I saw his face I realized that Gajeel had, in fact, been crying.

"I'm not hungry," Gajeel grunted angrily.

"Gajeel, just take it. Eat it and just rest your head. Then go visit the guild. We miss you," Lucy responded kindly, never once losing her temper with the stubborn and spiteful Dragon Slayer.

"And," this time her voice came out cautiously, "Perhaps you should stop drinking. Don't drown yourself in your sorrows by your lonesome, share them amongst us. We can help strengthen one another."

Gajeel stood there, dumbfounded at the kindness in both her actions and words. Not only did she come here and bring food, but she never once got angry at him for almost killing me. Never once did she shun him for it- instead she helped hold him up.

Lucy truly was a remarkable girl. She was amazing. Everything about her from her ability to see the best in everyone to her incredible wits to her emotional strength. It all amazed me.

He took the bowl with his right hand as his left hand pushed my entry door open. He then walked out but before he left, he turned to the Celestial mage and said, "I'll um…see you at the guild."

And with that he was gone, leaving me alone with her.

* * *

_...This pain is just too real..._

* * *

******Ohhh...I'm nervous for Lucy and the next chapter!**


	5. Chapter 5: His Distasteful Words

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.**

**No lie, I felt so guilty writing this chapter! The whole time I was like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...ummmm...Before I go off and rant about how sorry I am...**

**A huge special thanks to _leoslady4ever_ for being so fabulous and beta-reading this! Just means so much to me that she takes her time to read over my stories!**

**And to all of you, thanks for giving my stories a read! It means so much to me and I love you to the moon and back for it.  
xoxox xxSaphireBluexx**

* * *

_...There's just too much that time cannot erase..._

* * *

**Chapter 5: His Distasteful Words**

* * *

**Lucy's P.O.V.**

My eyes were glued onto the pain filled eyes of Gray, my heart was slamming into my chest at an immeasurable rate. I knew the pain he felt was an undeniable one. One that literally filled him up, giving him no hope for liberation. I knew he blamed himself for Juvia's death, especially after what Gajeel said.

I wanted to help the ice mage, so following my heart, I advanced to him, feeling my nerves bundle up. I was sure to bring the soup along, to encourage him to eat. Taking slow, steady steps towards the man I loved, I saw a very foreign look fill his eyes.

"How are you doing?" I asked gently, trying to read that look. It was so difficult to understand, but I wouldn't give up.

I would figure him out.

"Fabulous." His voice took on a sarcastic tone. "You know, the entire guild realizes that Juvia died because of me." He was so harsh, but it was understandable. He felt like he was at blame, so I shouldn't take it personally.

"C-come eat," I was stuttering out. Somewhere deep in the pit of my stomach I had a bad feeling. It was horrible and I had no idea why. Worry had consumed me. You know how they say to always trust your gut…well my gut was saying to run away because whatever was coming was definitely going to be a storm.

"Oh so you want me to eat out?" Gray's voice was cold, and I knew he was referring to the sexual sense of the world.

"Well, that's all your stupid ass is good for," the venom in his voice took over.

I bit my lip hard. This wasn't like him. He was never like this. Gray wasn't one to be so rough. I thought that…I don't know what I thought but I knew that the man I loved wasn't like this. Deep down I knew I had to keep trying.

"N-no. There's soup." My voice came out shaky. Gray acting as if I was of little importance was definitely hurting me and I knew that I was near tears.

"Oh I have a better idea, since you're so keen on pleasing me, why don't you get on your knees and suck my dick."

And I felt like I was shot through the chest with a bullet. My breathing turned into a pant and I could have sworn my vision was beginning to blur. No doubt by the tears that were hot in my eyes, begging to stream down my cheeks. It was painful, to say the least.

It felt like he was trying to rip my heart out and smash it onto the ground, making it shatter into a million different pieces. It was like he wanted to take away the smile that used to grace my face whenever I was around him. It felt like he truly despised me with every breath he took. And that thought alone, was enough to set me over the edge, making the tears leak out of my eyes, slithering down my cheeks and falling to the ground.

"Oh, and now you're crying," he scowled. "What else is new?" he added with an uninterested voice.

And with that, I found it difficult to breathe, my pant turning into a futile attempt to gather oxygen for my lungs but with every breath I took, I found I needed more. My chest ached at the sheer agony that filled me.

Instead of caring, and trying to make me stop, he laughed. Laughed at my pain. Laughed at my pathetic state. Laughed at the fact that I was struggling to breathe. His laugh grew louder and louder, as my tears seemed to mix with the runny liquid that seemed to drip out of my nose.

"G-Gr," But I couldn't as much as finish the words. It seemed an impossible task for my body as it tried to hold on and keep me breathing.

Every time I opened my mouth to say a word, it morphed into another desperate attempt to get more air. My head was spinning in circles, making my ability to stand next to impossible.

Retreating to my knees, I stared at the man. His eyes piercing into mine. His lips in a straight line that seemed to tell me that he was truly irritated with me. And his arms, folded across his chest as if he were waiting for this encounter to end.

Taking a few steps forward, he bent down onto his knees, and glared at me, eyes filled with a pure distain for my existence.

"You know, Juvia could handle a simple rejection…" he smirked, "…You on the other hand, seem to lose your senses…" His smirk turned into a laughter, "…You know what's funny? I didn't even reject you. I simply labeled you as the good for nothing whore you really are."

The next time my mouth opened to take another breath, his lips touched mine, giving me a kiss that felt as though it was filled with pure passion and love. His hands crept around my waist, pulling me in closer to sit on his lap. My eyes went wide with shock as he continued to kiss me. A slow, fervent exchange of what felt like love.

And for me, it felt almost perfect. All the words he had said, left my mind as I lost myself in the kiss. The last thing I saw, before closing my eyes and giving my all, was a silent tear that escaped his eyelids to slide down his cheeks. One single tear that my right thumb wiped off.

Deep down in my heart, I knew that whatever the reason for his cold words, he didn't mean it. I knew that they were words of self-loathing for the death of Juvia. Although they were unforgivable words, my heart didn't seem to care; it forgave him and gave my entire spirit with the kiss.

But it ended all too soon, and as he pulled away, my eyes found a loving stare. His intense glare had turned into a soft gaze. Deep in that gaze, I saw a look of regret that almost filled the very essence of his existence. His hands moved from my waist to wrap around my neck as his head glued itself onto my chest. He took a deep breath in, then exhaled.

"Lucy…I…"

He paused. Stood still. Stopped talking, leaving me to wonder what exactly filled his mind.

**Gray's P.O.V.**

"Lucy…I…"

What was I doing? How could my idiotic self just act upon impulse and kiss her like that? To think, that even for a second I lost my self-control to depict my love for her as if I was some sort of fool. I shouldn't give my heart up to her like that. I shouldn't pour out my feelings into a single kiss.

But above all, I shouldn't cry tears of regret in front of her. Unfortunately, for some fucking idiotic reason, the tear slipped, and she didn't miss it.

Who was I kidding? I couldn't control the repentance from completely capturing the very essence of my life especially when it came to Lucy. I couldn't stop my heart from showing the beauty in front of me just how important she was. I couldn't stop my spirit from doing everything it could to connect with her, conjoining our hearts in an everlasting moment of pure love.

There was no way in fucking Fiore I could ever stop myself from pouring out my heart and soul to her.

So right now I was left with the dilemma of what to do. I could always push her further and further out my life and keep her safe, or I could give into the temporary satisfaction I get from being near the one I love most. My heart screamed out for the second option. It was begging me to give it just what it wanted. The returned love of Lucy.

But that option came with consequences. Consequences so grave, in fact that I would regret it every single day I lived my life. I would hate it if anything were to ever happen to her and I knew, that although I would be happier with the second option, for Lucy's well being, the first one would be best.

So I put on my façade that I truly hated her and took control of the look on my face, changing it into a smug smirk, speaking the words I would hate myself for saying, "Only a stupid little bitch like you would kiss me back like that."

Yet all I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs was, _Lucy Heartfilia, I love you_.

She stared at me with a pained look of shock that crawled out of her skin and leaked down her body in the form of tiny little sweat droplets. She jumped off my lap and took a step back.

Thank goodness she was breathing properly. Had her breathing still been at the condition it was earlier, I would have lost it and gave up on my act. Thankfully, she was taking deep breaths.

"Stop it Gray," her eyes welled up with the tears I hated myself for causing. But I couldn't stop because if I did, my heart would take over and try and protect her.

"If you can't handle the truth, then why don't you just walk the fuck away?"

She was biting her lip hard, as the tears continuously cascaded down her perfect, milky skin. I felt completely ashamed of my actions but still, did everything in my power to control it. To stop it from apologizing to her and begging for her forgiveness. To stop it from making me tell her just how much I love and care for her.

I needed to stop the regret before it controlled me.

"Because…" She began and I hated the way her voice cracked when she was about to speak.

"No one should be alone after the death of a loved one," She continued, with a surprisingly high amount of determination in her voice.

"Fuck off," I mumbled, unable to speak in a confident voice. I couldn't do it anymore. The sheer amount of hate I had for myself during this moment far surpassed any amount of assurance that I had.

"Why are you being so rude to me?" she asked in such a calm and collected voice.

_Because it's the only way I will protect you_, I almost said. I almost confessed the real reason for my harshness towards her. It was that very second I realized, the more time I spent with her, the more likely I would be to break down and tell her everything.

Tell her how horrid my existence was. I didn't want to admit the fact that my being alive solely brought death to those I cared about. If I told her that it was _my_ fault Ultear, Ur, and Juvia were dead, she would do one of two things. She would either deny it and continue to be there for me, like the kind hearted soul she was and end up like those three. Then there was the other option. The option I dreaded and feared. She would fear my very existence and hate me since it was clearly my fault Juvia was gone.

So to prevent the first option from becoming a reality. To prevent the premature burial of Lucy, I will avoid her. Hurt her emotionally. Push her as far away as physically possible.

I had to do it, for the sake of her life I had to act like a cold hearted jackass.

"If someone as powerful as Juvia died, then the last thing I want is to be on babysitting duty for your pathetic ass. Why don't you leave my house now, hmm?" forcing my lips to curve up into a smirk, I could only think one thought.

_Sorry for hurting you, Lucy._

* * *

_...When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears..._

* * *

**Sorry Lucy *tears up* Sorry...sorry...sorry! But yeah, what do you think?**

**I honestly felt like my heart broke writing this. LULU! I LOVE YOU!**


	6. Hiatus Note

Hey guys!

Yes...I am doing this again. So I would like to apologise ahead of time for upsetting anyone but I must go on a hiatus.

School and work have been extremely pressuring and what with the Christmas season coming up and exams and all that jazz, I just have no time to write fics. I'm just so stressed out and seriously couldn't find any time to write. Honestly, I don't think I'll be able to update regularly. I will try to update a story every two weeks but right now, with the way life is going I really can't find the time. I am so sorry and really hope no one wants to butcher my head. If you do, I would suggest taking it out on Zeref and pretending that it's me! That way the Fairy-verse is safe and...*blushes* I'm so weird...

So as soon as I'm done my exams, I will write and write and write (December 18) and I will try and make up for the horrid wait but for now, I don't think you should expect much from me.

Sorry and lots of love (to the moon and back!..._obviously_)  
xoxox xxSaphireBluexx.


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